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Up at 4.30am.

I have learned that this is not a good time for me to be blogging, or posting comments, so I shall keep this short and keep my focus on what I am working on.

Mary came on the radio. Geez.

Feeling at peace today. Maybe because it is Sunday. Maybe because I have the house to myself for two days (a RARE occasion).

For whatever the reason, this verse came into mind....

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And yes, the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet. It IS Sunday, after all.....

Disengaged II

Something triggered me to read through my blog. As I sifted through both published and unpublished entries, all I can say is.... thank goodness my middle-of-the-night bursts of inspiration to write were rare! With 30 published posts since I started my rather late entry into the world of blogging (what can I say, I have always been a late bloomer), it did not take me long to get through everything.

Two main points I noted about the blogger in me.

One..... Marina, the blogger, is WAY too governed by her emotions. Looking back on 2009 (I've said this on FaceBook, now I'm saying it here...... THREE MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS, PEOPLE!), I see that the number of entries (per month) directly correlates with my emotional state (read = emotional instability).

Two..... Marina, the blogger, is cryptic.

I have already gone off on a tangent since dreaming up the title for this entry (haha. Not hard, right? Pick a title from an old post, and chuck a II on the end). As per the norm with sequels, Disengaged II birthed because of an issue stemming from Disengaged, the first. An unsolved mystery. Unachieved goals. Unfinished business.

I still don't have an iPhone. (*the yearning for this has since upped to include a Mac, too!)

There are two reasons for this. The first, is standard ~ I just do not earn enough chums to afford such a luxury....... (Yes. When all else burns down, I will sleep in my car). Secondly, I don't think I will ever be able to figure out the iPhone. Too complicated (I am my mother's daughter ~ we still have a VHS recorder at home!) ~ so many functions, including the ever-basic start, stop and pause buttons (well, you know what I mean).

So many buttons to push. Yet,.....still tempted.

Mixed Up

I am a bundle of emotions right now. It comes from the lack of sleep. My wonderful (note the sarcasm) dog Panga decided at 3am to bark at the stars. And, because I never finished that book (due to a childish reaction stemmed in emotions, whole different story), I have not become a master of my mind. This is my excuse, anyway....

Sleep is important to me. It's like food. Without it, I get grumpy. Contrary to perceptions based on my body size ~ I do eat, I need to eat, and I do not skip meals. Though yes, portions are small, and, I trim away huge fatty bits, which is proof of the fact that I am definitely not 100% Chinese.

This reminds me of how I used to fill in those forms......
Malay (blank), Chinese (tick), Indian (tick), Others (Kadazan). Bet I messed up statistics many a time.

An old friend of mine (of half Kadazan, half Indian make) said, if ever we got married, one kid would be Indian, the other, Kadazan. haha. (I think he forgot my Chinese bit, but that's not the point right now).

Looking forward to this weekend.....

Taking Cues......

.......cliche, cliche, cliche, but what the heck.

A friend called it a 'self empowerment getaway', and though I cheated (just a little, mind you), on this day, the 16th of July 2009, I can honestly say, I am truly a happy bunny.

I lounged. I read Twilight. I shopped. I baked (am seriously 2 shades darker now) - if you thought I meant baking cakes, all I can say is.....you have GOT to be kidding. I realized that I look more like a Thai than a Malaysian, a fact that made for some rather interesting encounters during my holiday.....a young (this is the denial part) Thai-looking female travelling solo in Phuket.

Took stock of my life, and gosh, I do love it (okay, Shan - you are right. I AM corny). Here are 5 of my 7 points.

1. I am responsible for my own life - it is up to me to be happy, motivated and positive.
2. I have a lot of love to give. And it doesn't cost a cent.
3. I truly believe that everyone has a lot of good in them.
4. I will laugh out loud if I want to, even if it makes me look like a mad woman.
5. If I smile at you and you don't smile back, it doesn't matter. I will smile at you again when I next see you.

I have come full cycle.

I love you, man.

Marina's 7 Steps

I went away.

It was my first solo trip - 4 nights Phuket, and 1 night Singapore. Have always said I wanted to do one, and now I've done it. And let me tell you, it was great.

Amongst other stuff, I came up with my list (can you tell there's going to be nothing on my actual holiday here?).

I love lists. I love ticking stuff off, one by one (have already started). This one is different, though - it is a long term list, so I can keep ticking the same point off, over and over again (maybe I should create a point system). The list is private, by the way, so I'm not going to share that here.

In Love Again

I am in love. Seriously in love.

The problem is, he's married.

I am kidding. If I really was, would I be posting it here for all to read? I think I've been back in KK long enough now to realise that this place is WAY to small to be going around saying things that will be twisted in a hundred (if not a thousand) different ways. One doesn't even need to be doing anything to have it being said about them.

For example - sometime last August or September, I went for an interview, was offered the job, and turned it down. End of story, right? Apparently not. Two weeks later, someone I randomly met asked me why I had quit from that place after 2 days of working, and started asking what was so bad about it that I couldn't hack it. Apparently, she'd heard it from someone else (who I also did not know). I kid you not.

All it takes is the wrong body language, the use of affectionate terms , the ever-so-quick judgements, and the even faster than lightning wags of the tongue by people with not enough work to do (or who, just by their nature, enjoy doing it) to get things going.....

But let's admit it, we all gossip. I am definitely not sitting on a high horse here by saying I don't. It's fun, so why not, right?

My ex-boyfriend (and someone I still consider a very close friend, though, living in the same small Sabah, I have learned to back off out of respect for his new relationship) used to tell me off whenever I started to gossip. He would seriously just tell me to shut up. In the beginning, it frustrated the life out of me. But, I learned that there was so much more to learn by paying attention to life, and ideas.

I read in a book once that you should only say things about a person that you would be willing to say if that same person was standing right there. Sounds like great advice, don't you reckon? I have slipped, yes - many, many times, so now I state......next time you hear me gossip, slap me on the head, okay. I give you full permission. (Just remember, I am pretty small, so it doesn't take much to knock the wind out of me.)

By the way, I love calling people 'babe' and ending smsses with one, two, or three 'x's. And while the number of x's kind of tells you how much I like you, it really doesn't mean I want to jump you, marry you, or have your children (especially if you are female). Though, I realised that I needed to tone down on the Xs when I once ended an sms to my very married, very Muslim boss that way (I am NOT talking about a current boss, btw). Dangerous. Especially looking the way I do (I always get a second look when ordering pork), and walking around with the name Marina Aman Sham (Sham, NOT Shah!).

I will admit to one thing. I am highly turned on by smart people. Especially those with a wicked sense of humour.

On my shopping list for tomorrow.......one piece, helmet.